If youve got a choke or story you mite want to share with the prettyfull peoples this is the place to share it. If your choke is a real peauty and I fink its funny. I mite even use it on one the shows, dvds or cds....only if its funny.....but if you are family, it doesnt mean Im gona use your choke....but if you are the choke well thats a different story. So feel free to share and remember this is a family place so keep them clean please Fa man.
26 comments:
Oi sole Fereti nice try Mr camel thanks for dropping in and adding your choke.
Malo Pa1ag1,
Thats a good one alright I remember hearing one similar to your one. I heard someone ask someone else "Excuse me what time is your watch"? Then he paused I thought maybe he knew realised his english wasnt correct. Then he asked the man again with more confidence "Sorry I mean What time is it....your watch. Oh well it was funny at the time chooo hooo keep it coming peoples. fa man
Gots to add moi 2 cents. So there is this village right, back in da wop wops ( no offence to moi home please) but recently, Sefo has gotten a prestigous job as a policeman, biggest job really that anyone in da village has managed to attain. So recently the village matai called on his expertise as there was a particular palagi who sped through their village on a daily basis, often at 100mph just about knocking someone over each time. So they asked him ( Sefo) to deal with the palagi, big job really for sefo whose english education stopped around year 2. So the next time the palagi drives round, he quickly flags him down on the side of the road, and says "Mr Smith,your triving is, uhm, you too much go saoa saoa..like hum...you preakin da ruls..you know, like you not got BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.!( Loud voice) ...ok? you go, pruuuuuuu mm prum,prum prum( much quieter voice and yes he used the hand gestures as if he were controlling motorcyle handlbars!!!) -also true story!!
Nice one people some nice chokes and some funny ones too. There are also some chokes that are 'never mind' chokes you know like keep it to yourself choo hoo just remember peoples keep them clean and or I will have to keep them out.
We were visiting our grandmother in the hospital and I brought along my palagi friend. When we arrived my aunty came to greet us and then I guess they were all getting ready to go and get something to eat, so my aunty, in her best english, turns to my friend and asks, "You fia hunkry?" My friend had the blankest look on her face. I was like "OMG, what da heo? i know she didn't just say that!!!" LmAo, so yeah, my aunty left her mark because now all my friends say that when they're ready to go get some grub, dayum haterz!!! LMAOOOOO!!!
Iv gota choke 4 u...i duno if u wana use it dou....Bit of a lesson in life!!
Sale was ketting married to her tarling Sione. A week pefore ta wedding Sale's mum says to her -
"ssshhhh, suga! Sau i!"
SALE - "O le a mum? What is da wanting?"
MUM - I's wana tell u now dat on da day of ur wedding, Sione's is gana put his most precious fing in wea u mimi..."
*Sale with a look of confusion on her face*
"Oka feolai! Ogay mum, wateva u say"
The day before tha wedding Sales mum calls out to her agen -
"Sale, suga sau i!"
SALE: "o le a mum? What is da wanting now?"
SALE'S MUM: I tells u again. On da night of your wedding...tomorrow, Sione is gana put his MOST PRECIOUS fing in where u mimi!!
SALE: *looking really confused at what her mum is trying to get across* "Ogay mum, u tells me dat pefore.
The day of the wedding - Sale is looking pretiful as ever. Music is playing and Sale is walking down the aisle. Out of the crowd watching all Sale could here was -
"ssssshhhhhh Sale" in a whispering manner. "Suga, sau i!!"
Sale glides up to her mother and whispers bak - "O le a mum? I's ketting married now" in a very stern voice!
SALE'S MUM: "Tonight!! Tonight!! vely vely soon...Sione put his MOST PRECIOUS FING in where u mimi!!
SALE: Auoi!! Ogay mum, tell me afta, I's go marrys Sione now.
At the reception, Sale's mum goes up to Sale -
"Sale, in five minute, Sione is gana take you home and put his MOST PRECIOUS FING in where you mimi!!
SALE: Ogay mum!! U's been telling me dat same fing every tay!! But mum, I's gota guestion to ask you"
SALES MUM: O le a my torta? What is your guestion?
SALE: You keep saying dat Sione is gana put his most PRECIOUS fing in where I mimi??
SALES MUM: Ioi. Dat is da trufe. I tell you no lie.Sione put his MOST PRECIOUS FING in where you mimi! What is wrong wif dat??
SALE: What I wana know is -
Why Sione gana put his chandals in da parf tub??
Lived away from home several years ago in syd, Oz. On my 30th b/day, my aunt & uncle held a suprise dinner party at the RSL. On arriving there the waiters brought out a huge cake with sparklers on the top. I stood there quite overwhelmed and emotional with my aunt and uncle on either side of me. As the huge cake was placed in front of me, sparklers spitting beads of light everywhere; everybody sang the happy b/day song. I noticed there were no candles on the cake, however it was beautifully presented...with these amazing sparklers.
You know at the end of he happy b/day song, and someone always leads in "hip, hip" and everyone responds "hooray!"? At the end of this chant and on this occaission, at the same time both my aunt & uncle bent towards the cake and tried to blow out the sparklers. Now, you'd think after a couple of huffs/puffs you'd find that these things don't work like candles. But ohhhhhh nooooooo... aunty & uncle were determined to extinguish these sparklers out. The worst thing about it was everyone there, were too busy rolling around on the floor laughing to tell them that they couldn't blow them out. And the more the blew the more serious there faces got.
Please be generous in donating money to the sparklers for samoa appeal this Christmas. Ia Fa laia. I luv you Aunty & Uncle.
i dunno if u heard dis one before but anyway!
There was a samoan man walking down the street and he see's a big harvey norman(a place where they sell t.v's and fridges and stuff). The samoan goes in starts to look around. Then he looks at something he likes....he goes to the salesman...(in samoan fresh accent) "ay, how much is this t.v? ..the salesperson replies.."sorry mate its not for sale" ...samoan man very angry and walks out....but he is determine to get his t.v ... so he comes back the next day to the shop dressed as a chinese ...he walks up the the salesperson and goes (in a chinese accent) "ay how much your t.v" .. the salesperson says " sorry mate its not for sale" ... the samoan man is still determined to get his t.v ...so the next day he goes back in dressed as a jamaican and goes up to the salesperson and says (in a jamaican accent) "ay, how much your t.v" he replies " sorry mate its not for sale" the samoan man is very confused about why he buy the t.v . So the next day he goes back the shop as himself. he walks up to the salesman and says" ay, i come here everyday and why you not give me the t.v" and the salesman replies" because mate its not a t.v ... its a microwave !!!
hahahahahahahahahahahaha
Samoan boy was walking around the classroom wif a plank beice of baper in his hand. Da teacher ask "What are you looking for?" the boy replied. "I'm tyring to fine a proom" Teachers says "look in the corner by the door" The boy goes over by the door, walks around in circles by the door and begins to get frustrated. The teachers asks the boy again "What are you looking for?" Da poi was saying "I want a proom" The teacher once again replies "All the brooms are in the corner by the door, look over there" So da poi ko for anada look. He was getting so frustrated I was gant beliv it. The teacher finally asked him "What do yo want the broom for anyway?" the boy responds "i want to baint my bikture"
(THIS REALLY HAPPENED)
This actually happend but yeah i thought it was hilarious... My dad decided to take my son out for ice-cream so he took us through the drive through at McDonalds and the Girls goes "Can i take you order please?" and so my dad said with confidence "Ah yesh gan I plesh have free ice-gream plesh?" and the girl goes "I'm sorry we don't give out ice-cream for free" lol and my dad then sed "No I want free ice-cream!" lol and she said "Sorry but we don't give ice-cream for free" then my dad said really angry " I know that u dum lol I want one two free ice-cream lol... i couldn't stop laughing it was sooo funny at that time... So anyways she apologized and we at the end did get our ice cream for free... lol
okay jst thought id add mah 2 centZ but yehh...
there was 2 palagi ladies and a samoan ladie in da elavator..
one of the palagi ladies sprayed a beautifull perfume on ..
and da samoan lady sniffed her and sed..
" hehehe i love that one "
da palagi sed
"oh thankZ its chanell 15pounds"
den da other palagi lady sprayed her beautifull perfume and da samoan lady goes
" i love that one ... i can smell da fresh now"..
den da palagi goes
"oh thankZ its beverly hills 20pounds"
and as da elavator was stopping and the doors are abt to open..
the 2 palagi ladyeZ were likee
" ohhhh watZ that smell "
then da samoan lady turned around and sed..
"OI SORRY ESCUSE ME THAT WAS $2.00 CORN BEEF I WAS TRIED TO BRING IT IN BUT MY MAGAVA WAS JST KANT HALB IT SO I HAVE TO RELEASE IT SORRY"
(if u dnt get it heres da hint... da samoan lady farted out her pisupo lolZz bwahahaha )
one day, a boy named sal'e went to a store to get some groceries. he saw a sign say '4 SALE.' so he stole everything from that section. a police man caught him on camera and asked him to come to the back with him. the officer said, "why did you steal all these things?" sal'e replied, " because it said "4 SAL'E"
(Talofa from huge fans:Anetone, Lola and kids Mataiata,Eruera,and baby Iosefa Simanu.
Wainui represent lol!
Here are some of my originals,hope you use some if they are good enough)
I drove my mum to get a gift for my Dad, My mum said sole i don't like Placemaker please take me to 10 metres (True story)
What samoan number has a lot of fleas?
Valu
I went to a chief meeting in Samoa, and two chiefs passed away,
and the other chiefs were soaking wet,
Huh? Why is that?
Cos the other Chief said...Maliu mai, ma Susu mai.
In Samoa I had burn marks on my bottom
Ha ha ha Why?
I should of listened to the Chief when he said....Ua vevela le fala
You know what?
What?
Everytime I sleep I start dreaming about drinking!
Huh I don’t get it?
Because I remembered someone saying...Moe miti malie
Who’s that Samoan rapper cooking that barbecue?
Oh its King Sosisi
Who’s the lady who doesn’t know anything about anything?
Leiloa
Who’s the man who halved the corn?
Afa-ma-saga
Your mamas so Lapo'a that.....
When she went to housie on Friday the faleaiga made $50,000
When she sat in front during church we didnt know who was doing the lauga
The ladies from Otara get jealous
When she blew off and we all left for Rotorua
She sat on a seesaw in Porirua and you flew over to Newtown
Burger king had to make a number 102 combo with extra cheese
Your Daddys is so valea....
We said rugby was on sky, so he looked up and said Pepelo ia oe!
He waited all day for the stop sign to turn green
When the palagi’s said HELLO!
He got angry and said
"No I shower YOU ELO!
What would you get if you cross .............
A Thailand and a Pakeha?
A Thai-lagi
If all the Samoans worked at KFC what would KFC be called?
KFM,
Kentaki falai Moa
What Japanese lady loves the number six?
Yoko Ono
And her sister that sits on the computer all day?
Oh yeah that's Yoko Nono
Why did the boy abuse the lemon in the shower?
To practice his fasi moli
Whats the smelliest class in the Sunday school?
The Faitau Pi
Ford Motors have released 7 new models in Samoa for the......
1)Samoans that are afa saiga!
The Ford Alaisa
2)Samoan window shoppers!
The I can’t a Ford
3)Samoan's with no money!
The walk Ford,and keep on dreaming
4)Samoan's that are blind,
The Ford Exploring
5)Samoans that eat too much curry.
The Ford Fartina
6)Samoan's that love hotdogs!
The Ford Mustard
7)Samoan Overstayers!
The Ford escort (ia gale!)
Take Care Tofiga,Come to Wainui,it would be my boys ultimate dream come true...Soifua
There were 3 guys on this island a australian, a kiwi and a samoan. They find a magic lamp and rub it. The Genie Comes out and says I'll grant you each one wish, so the australian says I want to go home to my wife and my kids. So he goes back home. The kiwi says well I also would like to go home to my wife and kids. So he goes back home. The samoan says well I'm not really sure. 20 minutes later he comes back and says I know what I want! I want my 2 friends back!
An 12 year old boy(whom lived in a farm) wakes up the in the morning, brushes his teeth and sits down at the table waiting for his mom to serve him breakfast. His mom asked the boy "have you done your morning chors" the boy replied no. So the mother told he better do them first before he has breakfast. The boy was angry and went outside and walked up to the chickens and he kicked them. Then he fed the chickens. He then walked up to the pig and kicked the pig, then he fed the pig. He then walked up the cow and he kicked the cow,and he then Fed the cow. After doing his chors, he went back inside and sat at the table. His mother just gave him a piece of toast. The boy asked his mom "Am i not having any cereal or eggs for breakfast. The mother replied "well i watched you doing your chors and I saw you kick the chickens, so you will not be eating any egss for a week, then I saw you kick the pig, so no bacon for a week and then I saw you kick the cow, so no milk for a week. The boy was really upset.
Not long after the dad walks through the door angry as hell for some reason, so he kicked the cat which flew through the kitchen. The mother and son looked surprised. Then the boy looked at his mother and said DO YOU WANT TO TELL HIM OR SHOULD I.
(NO P....Y FOR A WEEK)
SAMOAN NAMES
Samoan lady is a proud new mum of twins, but she passed out after the two births.
“Don’t worry Ma’am, your brother named your bundles of joy,” said the nurse.
“Oh hell! He’s an absolute fob,” says the Samoan lady.
“Oh well, what are the names?” says the new mum.
The nurse smiles and says “Your daughter’s name is Denise.
“Hey, that’s not too bad,” says The Samoan lady. “What’s my son’s name?
The nurse with an awkward look says, “Denephew!
Hey uso wassup.
a samoan and a tongan go parachuting. the samoan jumps out of the plane first pulls the strings and wallah....glides down slowly, then the tongan jumps out of the plane, tries his hardest to pull the strings and nothing works, the samoan sees the tongan fall quickly past him then yells out, oi you wanna race a? so he disconnects himself from his chute......
A farmer visited a local school to show them a demonstration of the intense work and commitment that was involved in the farming industry. Anyway, before the end of the day, the teachers got the kids to write thank you letters which they would present to the farmer.
Kid 1: "Thank you for teaching us today about farms and farming."
Farmer: "My pleasure."
Kid 2: "We have learned alot about hard work and you farmers are role models for all NZ. Thanks for a awesome day."
Farmer: "My pleasure."
Samoan kid: "Fank you for your blesha(pleasure)"
Haha...
Sole love your shows!! Here's a real one, my wife's family she gone kill me if she finds out!!!! Oh well . . .
The story goes - my wifes uncle was waiting for his daughter (my wife's cousin) to arrive from NZ back to Sydney, Australia. For some reason my wife's cousins flight got delayed and so her father (my wifes uncle) was getting really impatient and angry. My wifes cousin said that she was trying to call her dad on the cellphone but there was no pick up. When she finally got off the plane and met up with her dad he asked her what happened and she told him the flight was delayed and that she was trying to call him on the cell. He looked at her angrily and said (in Samoan of course) 'well what kind of phone doesn't have buttons, when it rang I tried to answer it but there were no buttons!' Then my wifes cousin said,'dad, it's a flip top -you're supposed to flip it open and you'll see the buttons!'
Nah honest my wifes cousin was telling her over the phone when she got back home and I was cracking up!!!
One more for you uso!! This time it's the wife of the same uncle, nah honest!!
My wifes cousin (same cousin) told her that one day her mum was looking at her phone and it had a message on it, 'You've got mail.'So my wifes aunty called the mobile company (Vodafone) and asked the operator what the message meant. So the operator told her that she had mail. So my wifes aunty said that she went outside to check her letterbox and found nothing. So she went back inside and called the operator again and said, 'I thought you said that I got mail but when I checked my mail box there was nothing!' The lady then told her what that she meant that her mobile phone had mail in it.
All this was relayed to me by my wifes dad and honest I thought of you and your show when I first heard it because it's like something you'd make up!! Bahahahahahahahah use it uso it's 4 rilz!!
just a few things ive heard my dad say over the past couple of times.
drive thru mcdonalds asks for take away- some reason didnt wanna eat it in the car in the line hahaha.
woke up at about aahhh bout 7-69 pm in the morning haha, said to me did i see the rain lights and thundering last night, i just said Yes dad i did haha.
anyone else find when freshies say potato its like a indian hahaha okay bro. koe kia.
and ps. tofiga u and etuati are great man! specially u as the uncle and tala auuuuuu stobbit.
and dat cannibis? ilegal? awoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii hahahaha.
okay la! cu
here's a choke 4 u guys there was amaori fulla a french fulla and a palangi fulla they had to drop 1 iteam off the plane or they would crash so the french fulla dropped 3 heavy books and the palangi fulla droped a nife and then the maori fulla droped a bomb so when they landed the french fulla found a kid crying and he asked him why he was crying the kid said "3 heavy books landed on my dad" so the french fulla ran away next the palangi fulla found another kid crying so he asked him why he was crying the kid said "A nife fell out of the sky" so the palangi ran away next the maori fulla found a kid cracking up he said why u cracking up ow the kid said "My dad did a fart and blew up the whole house" he he he he tofiga my dad use to work with your wife im his son big fan
A $5 Bargain at Maccas!
I went through a McDonalds drive thru in Mt Roskil and the voice came on the speaker! "Velcom to McDonos plez your order ven you're ready" I replied, "Yea I'd like a hot chick please" The man replied, That's a $1.95 vud you like anything else vif that sirr? I replied "Yeah umhh coud-i-pound-her? and he says, "That comes to $5 drive on thru!
An old couple were sitting under the pulu tree opposite the makeki kuai in Samoa back in the days.On a hot sunny day they enjoyed the breeze under the shade of the big tree having some lunch which they bought off a young local. Just as the old man says to his wife who was still digging into the faiai pusi "ma'oga kai fai mea ai", a tourist was walking close by. The old man says to his wife, " Se'i faiaku i si kulisi gage e sau e ai" The old lady replied " A pe a e faiaku oe o lea ou ke ai" It took the old timer a little while to figure out an english word for faiai pusi before he shocked the tourist when he called out. " HEY TURIS! COME AND EAT MY WIFE'S PUSI
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